Modern Crybaby | Semicolon Cafe

MODERN CRYBABY | SEMICOLON CAFE

ALICE: Songs on Site is recorded on location and features each site’s unique soundscape as an audio backdrop. This episode includes espresso machines, other cafe sounds, and customers. We recommend listening to Songs on Site with headphones for an immersive audio experience.

MUSIC: SONGS ON SITE THEME PLAYS UNDER.
SEAGULLS FLY OVERHEAD. A TRAIN PASSES BY.

MICHAEL: From Cocotazo Media and You Don’t Know Jersey—

A BUS PASSES BY.

MICHAEL: —this is Songs on Site—

BIRDS TAKE FLIGHT. A CAR BEEPS. A HORSE (OR THE JERSEY DEVIL) RUNS BY.

MICHAEL: —where we explore the music and environmental soundscapes of the Garden State.

CONDUCTOR: Stand clear of the door.

MICHAEL: I’m your host, Michael Aquino.

COFFEE POURS INTO A MUG. SILVERWARE CLINKS AGAINST DISHWARE. KIDS ON A PLAYGROUND. A CAR PASSES BY. CRICKETS ON A SUMMER NIGHT.

MICHAEL: Hey, there. It’s Michael Aquino. We’re back this week with the second half of my interview with Dylan Schroth, a.k.a. Modern Crybaby. If you haven’t heard the first part, go back and listen to that episode before continuing with this one. Go—listen to it.

MUSIC: “WE’RE FAR” PLAYS UNDER.

MICHAEL: In part two of my conversation with Dylan, we chat about audience expectations, his hometown of Jersey City, what it means to be from New Jersey, and his upcoming album. Let’s get to it.

CAFE CUSTOMERS CHAT IN THE BACKGROUND.

MICHAEL: Me, as a person of Puerto Rican and Cuban heritage, I've been told sometimes that my music isn't Latinx enough, Latine enough. And I typically ask people at that point, well, what is Latinx—what is Latine music? Have you ever been told your music doesn't fit someone else's expectations of you?

DYLAN: My name is Dylan Schroth. I'm a Filipino kid with a German last name. I simultaneously look old and young, I've been told. So I think I just come out of left field for a lot of people and they have so few expectations that they can't judge me if they wanted to. So I've never actually faced that. But I am curious, like, what is your experience with that?

MICHAEL: I typically ask that question right back to them. What does it sound like? People typically don't have an answer. Or if somebody does, they'll be like, well, I hear congas or bongos and Spanish guitar. And I'm like—well, that's not what I do. There's a ton of different countries that speak Spanish, and then within those countries, there's a ton of different music being played. So to pigeonhole somebody to be like—why don't you sound more Latinx? There's a part of me that dies a little bit inside. But then like—okay, this is the reason why I need to create the music I create. I take my inspiration from so many different places. It's me, it's Latinx, no matter what they think their expectation is of me—this is what my music is.

DYLAN: I think people try to categorize everything as quickly as they can so that it fits into a box that makes them feel safe about their worldview. But I do feel like it presents an opportunity for us as artists to be, like—here's a cool new box that you could look at that fits great into your worldview if you're just willing to let it in a little bit.

MICHAEL: Just absorb it. Just take it for what it is. Now let's talk about your hometown, Jersey City. These are big things that Jersey City's known for—the Colgate Clock, down on the waterfront. The iconic Lowe's Jersey Theater, and being one of the most diverse cities in the country. Can you tell us something about Jersey City that most people won't know?

DYLAN: That if you want great Filipino food, Jersey City is where you come. I live on West Side Avenue, which means if you throw a rock, you're probably gonna hit a Filipino restaurant. Every corner is a new one, and they all have a slightly different flavor. Some of them are more homey. Some of them are a little fancier. This is the place—if you want to get some Filipino food, meet a Filipino nurse, learn that Asians come in many different shapes and sizes—you come to Jersey City.

MICHAEL: Continuing on with Jersey City, describe the music scene in Jersey City.

DYLAN: So, like, you mentioned, Jersey City is one of the most diverse cities in the nation. That's the best way I can describe Jersey City music. If you want hip hop, if you want jazz, if you want rock. There's folk singers. If there's any artist and genre you want, you're gonna find one in Jersey City. Sometimes, it's so diverse that I don't even know where I fit in. All I know is you have every genre here. And what they all have in common is they like saying—I’m from Jersey City.

MICHAEL: Now, is there a place that you like to play regularly in Jersey City?

DYLAN: I wish. If our venues didn't close so often. I just have to hold onto the dream that I'll fit into White Eagle Hall one day. I don't play out as often as I could. The internet's nice to me. I like to play from my bedroom.

MICHAEL: And you have a pretty big YouTube page and Instagram following.

DYLAN: I have a pocket of people who have been resonating with the Modern Crybaby message. I just had a gig in Manhattan. I played at Bowery Electric, and we had a good amount of people out, and we just connected. And it felt good to be rocking out, playing heavy emo music. But then in the middle of it, telling them really sad stories. Seeing if the story either clicks or doesn't. More often than not, I'll some tears in the audience I'm, like—you guys get me! You're a modern crybaby.

MICHAEL: Do think New Jersey music has a sound? If so, what do you think the Jersey sound is?

DYLAN: It's hard to boil it down to a sound, but there is a distinct feeling I get—whether it's Springsteen or your favorite hip hop artist. You can kind of guess if an artist is from Jersey based on a certain intelligence that comes from biting sarcasm. Like you're just as annoyed as everyone else when you're walking in Manhattan. But also, even though it kind of sucks sometimes, you're like—yeah, I'm from Jersey. What's up? I feel like that translates into the music. Everyone's so prideful of this odd, small, really condensed state that we're in. You don't get that self-deprecating wittiness from, like, say, your favorite California band singing about being at the beach. It's a vibe and great. But they don't experience going to other states and someone being like—oh, Jersey, so you're a Jersey shore. And I'm, like—no, I'm not. But yeah, that is where I'm from. I hate the mall, but yeah, Jersey.

MICHAEL: It's, like, Jersey Shore as opposed to, like, California Shore. Very different. People have very opinions of both those shores. But very beautiful on the Jersey shore, I must say.

DYLAN: It's one of the few places where you can be annoyed with everyone there and still feel like a part of the community.

MICHAEL: That's a great way of putting it. So, what can we expect on your debut album as Modern Crybaby?

DYLAN: This is all still in the works. Maybe I can test this with you. What do you think of an album called Portrait of a Modern Crybaby?

MICHAEL: That distills everything that you were just talking about—which is really nice because every track is a different part of the portrait.

DYLAN: Yes, exactly. That’s what I’m working towards. And I wanna have a set of songs that—yes, it tells my story of realizing you're at complete rock bottom emotionally deciding you're gonna try to get better. Realizing that it's not a straight line, that path, at all. You stumble a lot. And then by the end, you don't know if you're gonna make it. You just know you have to keep going. And getting better, becoming a better person isn’t the end goal. It's a practice that you try to participate in every day. And you will not always do a good job, and it will not always be fun, but I think we're all happier and better for each other when just trying. I haven’t necessarily set a release date, but I'm working on it.

MICHAEL: You want to take your time and be able to get that portrait right.

DYLAN: Yeah. A big evolution for me switching to Modern Crybaby was to help people build self-confidence to turn their talents into a service. How does what you're good at help other people? There's a lot of healing to be found in helping other people. Like, you can make a difference. You have something to contribute

MICHAEL: Dylan a.k.a. Modern Crybaby. Are you ready to play some music at the Semicolon Cafe amongst all these succulents and small plants?

DYLAN: Am I ready? I burned my tongue on my chai, so…

MICHAEL: So you're absolutely ready.

MUSIC TRANSITION.

MICHAEL: And now, enjoy this performance of “Few and Far Between” written and performed by Dylan Schroth, Modern Crybaby at Semicolon Cafe in Jersey City.

DYLAN: The song's called ‘Few and Far Between.’ And it's essentially about long-term depression. You realize the healing process is not a straight line and I fell back into that depressive tendency a lot. To the point where you start to wonder if it's even possible to get better. ‘Cause you do have these good days and they keep you going. But those good days only happen every so often. You wake up every morning hoping it's gonna be one of those, and it's just not quite what you want it to be.

When I wrote this, I was just sitting there asking myself—is it gonna get better? Am I gonna have more good days? Could that be what life actually looks like for me someday? And I decided I wasn't gonna wait for that. I was just gonna make it into that. I could make good days no matter how much it takes out of me. I could start making good days.

MUSIC: “FEW AND FAR BETWEEN” - LIVE AT SEMICOLON CAFE.

DYLAN:
I just wanna know what it feels like
To feel like everything’s okay
And that it’s not my fault when it isn’t

And I just wanna know what it feels like
To feel your warmth upon my skin
And not the sting of disappointment
Cuz I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not
Living life with everything I’ve got

Cuz the good days
Are few and far between
And the bad days
Aren’t always what they seem
I’ll take one on the cheek
If it helps me fall asleep
While the good days
Are few and far between

I just wanna know what it feels like
To feel like everything’s okay
And that it’s not my fault when it isn’t

Cuz I know that I should be happy
Cuz I’ve been given more than most
But I can’t bring myself to feel present

Cuz I can’t feel your warmth upon my skin
I only feel the stings of
Every dream that died in spite of
All the hopes I held

Cuz the good days
Are few and far between
And the bad days
Are never what they seem
With a smile across myself
I’ll afford myself some grace
While the good days
Are few and far between

What if everything I try, it fails
And every breath that I exhale
Keeps floating on and on and on
How could I have been so wrong
Cuz no matter what I try it seems
I’m only happy in my dreams
But I know in my heart
I could be more if I just start
Cuz I’ve got so much love to give
That it’s just tearing me apart

I am more than what I seem
I am the spark to all your dreams
And when I shed my earthly coil
I will make tears from all my toil
When I shed my coil

Cuz the good days
Are few and far between
And the bad days
Aren’t always what they seem
With a smile across myself
I’ll allow myself some grace
While the good days
Are few and far between

I’ll choose hope when I am lost inside my own doubts
I’ll place faith inside the songs that swim through my mouth
If I tear my heart in two to let the light in
Will I finally feel the warmth of love on my skin
My skin

MICHAEL: All right. That’s it.

DYLAN: Pizza. I haven't had Tino’s since my wedding, and I'm kind of excited.

MICHAEL: Tino's. Yeah, we're excited too.

MUSIC: SONGS ON SITE THEME (INSTRUMENTAL) PLAYS UNDER.

MICHAEL: Thanks for listening to Songs on Site. I’m your host, Michael Aquino. Songs on Site producers are Michael Aquino and Dania Ramos for Cocotazo Media, and Ed Magdziak and Alice Magdziak for You Don’t Know Jersey. Special thanks to Brian Pak and the folks at Semicolon Cafe in Jersey City. Shout out to Kenny and Michelle Pak and Michelle’s Green Thumb located on the second floor of the Semicolon Cafe. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please follow the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. If you’d like to hear bonus content with the featured musicians, you can unlock it by supporting us at Patreon dot com slash Cocotazo M. We’ll be back in two weeks with the next episode of Songs on Site.

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ALICE: Audio editing, design, mixing, and theme song by Michael Aquino. Story editing, scriptwriting, and additional audio editing by Dania Ramos.

The featured musician was Dylan Schroth, performing as Modern Crybaby. “Few and Far Between” was written and performed by Dylan on guitar and vocals. Learn more about Modern Crybaby at modern crybaby dot com. You can find a link to his website and our website in the show notes.

This episode was recorded at Semicolon Cafe in Jersey City and was produced in Essex County, New Jersey. Both locations are situated on the traditional territory of the Leni Lenape people.

As always, thanks for listening.

KIDS PLAY ON A PLAYGROUND.

CAFE CUSTOMERS CHAT IN THE BACKGROUND.

DYLAN: In that case, I will use my pedal board.

MICHAEL: Do it. Nice. Dylan, Dylan, Dylan.

DYLAN: That is good. Approving of me like an 80s fat cat.

MICHAEL: Oh!

DYLAN: I like the cut of your jib, kid.

MICHAEL: You got…you got…you got a good thing going.