Modern Crybaby | Jersey City

MODERN CRYBABY | JERSEY CITY

ALICE: Songs on Site is recorded on location and features each site’s unique soundscape as an audio backdrop. This episode includes espresso machines, other cafe sounds, and customers. We recommend listening to Songs on Site with headphones for an immersive audio experience.

MUSIC: SONGS ON SITE THEME PLAYS UNDER.
SEAGULLS FLY OVERHEAD. A TRAIN PASSES BY.

MICHAEL: From Cocotazo Media and You Don’t Know Jersey—

A BUS PASSES BY.

MICHAEL: —this is Songs on Site—

BIRDS TAKE FLIGHT. A CAR BEEPS. A HORSE (OR THE JERSEY DEVIL) RUNS BY.

MICHAEL: —where we explore the music and environmental soundscapes of the Garden State.

CONDUCTOR: Stand clear of the door.

MICHAEL: I’m your host, Michael Aquino.

COFFEE POURS INTO A MUG. SILVERWARE CLINKS AGAINST DISHWARE. KIDS ON A PLAYGROUND. A CAR PASSES BY. CRICKETS ON A SUMMER NIGHT.

MICHAEL: Hey, there. It's Michael Aquino, the host of Songs on Site.
This is the first of two episodes featuring Dylan Schroth, a.k.a. Modern Crybaby. I met Dylan at an open mic presented by Art House Productions in Jersey City. I remember hearing him perform and being drawn in by his warmth, honesty, and talent - all of which you’ll hear in the interview and his performances. These traits are infused within his songs and attract a loyal group of Modern Crybabies both online and in real life.

MUSIC: “WE’RE FAR” PLAYS UNDER.
MICHAEL: Modern Crybaby is the emo music brainchild of New Jersey singer-songwriter and producer Dylan Schroth. With a heavy heart and a hopeful smile, Dylan Schroth sings about his experience with depression, anxiety, growth, and recovery, hoping to inspire others on a similar path. Dylan writes music for the modern millennial whose teenage angst grew into adult anxiety.
Here’s my interview with Dylan Schroth, Modern Crybaby.
INTERVIEW

CAFE CUSTOMERS CHAT IN THE BACKGROUND.

MICHAEL: Can you describe what you see at this site?
DYLAN: I see so many succulents.

MICHAEL: What are succulents?

DYLAN: Tiny little baby plants.

MICHAEL: Yeah.

DYLAN: That's probably not the way to describe them, but that's how I think of them. And they're gorgeous. I see a lot of people enjoying their cafe drinks, like me. I see three lovely people looking at me waiting for interesting answers.

MICHAEL: Please introduce yourself.

DYLAN: My name is Dylan Schroth. I make really emo music under the name Modern Crybaby.

MICHAEL: Where are we?

DYLAN: We are in Semicolon Cafe in Jersey City.

MICHAEL: Why did you want to come and play here?

DYLAN: So, my is a lot about mental and recovery and growth. I was depressed for a long time and a big part of my recovery from that was actually meeting supportive people who believe in you and actually want the best you, and enjoy your company. And a lot of those people I met here in this cafe where we used to have our board game nights. And they, kind of, became my chosen family.

MICHAEL: I totally get the comfort and the enjoyment of playing board games.

DYLAN: Totally.

MICHAEL: Can you tell me, what games did you play when you were here?

DYLAN: We played a lot of Werewolf, Mysterium. I don't know if this is something to brag about, but I'm good at Secret Hitler. We played so much, but. All that comes to mind are the deception board games, and now no one's gonna trust me.

MICHAEL: It's just a game.

DYLAN: It’s just a game. Totally, totally.

MICHAEL: Where in New Jersey have lived?

DYLAN: I was born and raised here in Jersey City. So, I've been here all of my life. I have spent a lot of time in Central Jersey—if you subscribe to the philosophy of Central Jersey.

MICHAEL: I do.

DYLAN: I have a lot of family in Piscataway, Edison, Somerset. I lived at Rutgers for a while with my now wife, back when we were in college. And then we came back here after.

MICHAEL: When did you start playing music?

DYLAN: Music became part of my life probably when I was five. I was babysat by my grandma a lot, and she was an amazing piano player. And she taught me how to sing Do Re Mi really early on. And she was really encouraging of just, like, singing along songs. And whatever I would learn in Catholic school and bring home, she'd be, like—let's sing it together. So it wasn't really performing, but still, like, singing in the car with family was a really big part of my life since childhood. Music as a career didn't come till I was 13.

MICHAEL: Which is super young to be thinking of music as a career.

DYLAN: Yeah, I was 13. I'd taken guitar lessons, but I had zero interest in it until I heard “Ocean Avenue” by Yellow Card on the radio. And my 13-year-old brain—I don't know what it was—my brain was just like, I need to do that. Whatever that is, that's the thing I need to do. And I need to do it for the rest of my life.

MICHAEL: And when you were in high school, were you in any bands or was it just Dylan?

DYLAN: It was just me mostly. I had a tiny stint of local MySpace fame with other 13-year-olds. I went to High Tech in North Bergen. I went there specifically because they had a music program. I think I was playing guitar every day for school.

MICHAEL: Wow.

DYLAN: We had like a lot of afterschool programs and band. And there was a lot of opportunities to showcase your songwriting. It was a good experience.

MICHAEL: My good friend from high school taught at High Tech, Alex Perez.

DYLAN: Really?

MICHAEL: Yeah, yeah. We went to school together.

DYLAN: What a coincidence.

MICHAEL: So I'm assuming you were there when he was there theater?

DYLAN: Yeah. Yeah. He taught me how to annunciate my words properly once or twice.

MICHAEL: That sounds like Alex.

DYLAN: Small world.

MICHAEL: It is a small world. I remember when I was a kid in elementary school being bussed to High Tech High School for, like, elective classes.

DYLAN: Hudson County.

MICHAEL: Hudson County. Alright, can you describe music in three words to someone who has never heard it before?

DYLAN: I've been asked that before, and I struggle between giving the answer that would actually help them, and the answer that I like.

MICHAEL: Give us both.

DYLAN: Alright. I’ll start with the answer I like. In three words, I would describe my music as—I just like having a fun vocabulary—lugubrious.

MICHAEL: Ooh.

DYLAN: Salutary. Ooh. And emo.

MICHAEL: Can you define those first two for us?

DYLAN: Yes. Lugubrious is, uh, sad and gloomy, generally, but in a pensive way. You haven't given up yet, but you're really close.

MICHAEL: Okay.

DYLAN: Salutary. Is, uh, that which promotes good health.

MICHAEL: Okay.

DYLAN: Everyone has their own definition of emo, I guess.

MICHAEL: What's your definition of emo?

DYLAN: Being honest about your emotions. Being willing to be reflective. I mean, all music is emotional, right? I think when you're emo, you're just a little quicker to get to the stuff that everyone's scared to talk about. And I'm definitely a too-nervous-to-do-small-talk, too-ready-to-talk-about- my-inner-trauma kind of guy. That's the fun definition I give. But essentially it's just sad, hopeful, and emo.

MICHAEL: Tell me how you came up with your new stage name, Modern Crybaby.

DYLAN: I was a really depressed kid for a long time in my early 20s especially ‘cause I got sick at the end of high school, beginning of college, and I had to drop out. Essentially, uh, I crashed my dad's car, and I was afraid to admit that for some reason I was losing the sight in my right eye.

MICHAEL: Oh.

DYLAN: And the recovery process from that was long, and you're just kind of at home waiting to be better. But of course, I'm now missing college, and this is when I’m supposed to be finding my way as an adult. Instead, I'm watching all my friends start finding who they are, and finding their futures. And I'm just in purgatory. And long after I'd healed physically, mentally, I felt really broken. And it took me a long time to actually be willing to talk about how I felt.

I just found myself crying a lot. The more I was honest with myself about what I was going through, like, any semi-emotional TV show or movie or music that would come up, I would just be tearing, like it's so beautiful. It's so good. Until one day I realized, like, why do I have to feel bad about how much I cry? It makes me more honest, you know? It's given me better relationships with the people who are willing to listen. And I started just connecting with more people who'd gone through similar things, and understood what this general Millennial malaise that we have of feeling like there's a life you're supposed to be having based on what your parents went through or what society tells you about going to college and making a living.

And yet the cards are, kind of, stacked against you in terms of the cost of a house or graduating with a hundred thousand dollars in debt. But you just come out of it feeling like it's your fault that you didn't catch up, and you didn't make it through. As soon as you process those feelings, you start to actually realize what kind of life you want. And what actually matters to you.

I think the modern crybabies are people who are willing to do the work. The modern crybabies are people who are willing to unpack their trauma and grow together, and cry sometimes knowing that you're being honest with you yourself. And that can be your superpower if you let it be. Being able to help each other through our trauma and define what we actually think is a good life for us and what we want.

MICHAEL: I'm not a Millennial. I am a young GenXer. Wanting to find who you are with the other generation telling you—you have to this—totally, totally understand that. And I am a modern crybaby with you, Dylan.

DYLAN: When I came up with Modern Crybaby, I was, like—Ooh, what if my music didn't have to be about me or for me? if it could be for other people who are through something similar.

MICHAEL: I hear it in the music. I hear it in the lyrics. I hear it in the chords you choose in the compositions you make. I think that's there. And I think it really does connect like what you're saying to people that are going through similar things. That's a beautiful thing.

DYLAN: I hope so. Appreciate it.

MICHAEL: Yeah, absolutely.

MUSIC TRANSITION.

MICHAEL: Tune in next week to hear the second half of the interview with Dylan. And now, enjoy this performance of “All of My Time” written and performed by Dylan Schroth, Modern Crybaby at Semi Colon Cafe.

MUSIC TRANSITION.

DYLAN: This first song is called “All of My Time.” It's about a time towards the beginning of my recovery process from depression when I realized I could go out there and do something that matters in the world. I'm just not. I'm just at home watching Netflix and consuming Ted Talks or whatever inspirational stuff you see on YouTube to pump myself up, but not actually going out and living. I realized procrastination out of fear of failure is a very real phenomenon. So this is me reflecting on how I was spending all of my time.

MUSIC: “ALL OF MY TIME” - LIVE AT SEMICOLON CAFE.

DYLAN:
Every time I see the doctor I say I'm giving it my best
But my body disagrees with all these pills that I ingest
It feels like everything is my fault and I will never feel complete
Cuz I'm not worthy of the love my old friends never had for me
And I spend so much time complaining about how hard it is to change
That I am worried that the truth is I will never have the strength
It's too late / It's too late for me

And I spend all of my time dreaming about the person I could be
If I just got my shit together to let my sleepy sore eyes see
That all my plots could become gardens if I let nature run its course
And if I'd learned to love completely I'd be this overwhelming force
But every time I see the doctor I say it's really hard to change
And I am worried that the truth is I will never have the strength
It's too late / It's too late for me
It's too late / Too late

Every morning that I wake up is another chance to be
Something better than the pain that all my failures left for me
I keep digging up my flaws instead of letting myself bloom
I let my body waste away before it's placed inside it's tomb
And every time I see the doctor she says these changes need to start
But I am worried that the truth is there is nothing left but pain in my heart

MUSIC: SONGS ON SITE THEME (INSTRUMENTAL) PLAYS UNDER.

MICHAEL: Thanks for listening to Songs on Site. I’m your host, Michael Aquino. Songs on Site producers are Michael Aquino and Dania Ramos for Cocotazo Media, and Ed Magdziak and Alice Magdziak for You Don’t Know Jersey. Special thanks to Brian Pak and the folks at Semicolon Cafe in Jersey City. Shout out to Kenny and Michelle Pak and Michelle’s Green Thumb located on the second floor of the Semicolon Cafe. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please follow the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. If you’d like to hear bonus content with the featured musicians, you can unlock it by supporting us at Patreon dot com slash Cocotazo M.

MUSIC: SHIFT IN THEME MUSIC (INSTRUMENTAL) CONTINUES UNDER.

ALICE: Audio editing, design, mixing, and theme song by Michael Aquino. Story editing, scriptwriting, and additional audio editing by Dania Ramos.

The featured musician was Dylan Schroth, performing as Modern Crybaby. “All of My Time” was written and performed by Dylan on guitar and vocals. Learn more about Modern Crybaby at modern crybaby dot com. You can find a link to his website and our website in the show notes.

This episode was recorded at Semicolon Cafe in Jersey City and was produced in Essex County, New Jersey. Both locations are situated on the traditional territory of the Leni Lenape people.

As always, thanks for listening.

KIDS PLAY ON A PLAYGROUND.

DYLAN WARMS UP ON THE GUITAR. CAFE CUSTOMERS CHAT IN THE BACKGROUND.

DYLAN: See, this feels more natural if I pretend you guys bought tickets to my show.

MICHAEL: We did.

DYLAN: Thanks.

MICHAEL: It was in demand, too.

ALICE: We got our cars off StubHub.

DYLAN: I make zero commission off StubHub.

MICHAEL: StubHub.

ALICE: Sorry. The original seller got their commission.

DYLAN STRUMS HIS GUITAR,

DYLAN: Damn you, Ticketmaster!

DYLAN WARMS UP ON HIS GUITAR.